The Old Country
The Old Country is a place referred to by Rolf in many episodes. It is most likely a reference to many European cultures with odd customs like a lot of hero stories, fights, famous people, numerous sayings using food, clothes and household items (also used to compare) along with other unbelievable stuff. The passing of the goat is a stable export of this country. Customs * You are to be hit in the head with the "Hat of Discipline", an enormous hat in the shape of a hammer. * A clam is considered a pet. * A typical family sits around the stove and tells stories of produce spread. * You may learn to ride a unicycle before a bike. * Philosophy: "the soil knows all." * use an odd system of measurement; Foot=pace. Yard=goat. * It is socially accepted to eat grass. * You may learn to stack sausages at the age of two. * Passing of the goat = Stable export of the country. Consists of the borrower signing a notepad several times and turning it in to the owner. In the event that the goat is not returned, you owe 2 bags of beans, 5 pigs, and a turnip. * You must honor you ancestors. * It is disgraceful to play with your food. * A shepherd typically chews soil to test its moisture. * 1# sport: Shining Shoes. * 2# sport: Synchronized Swimming. * It is customary to give a giant sausage as a gift. * It is a travesty to mix salami and bologna. * It is believed that if you burn a candle at both ends, it will lead to the life of a hairdresser. **Old World Fable *THE UGLY BOY AND THE TREE OF HEADS Once upon a time, an ugly boy was thrown out of his village, and hit his melon on a tree. The boy gazed up and was amazed at the many beautiful heads growing from the branches. After many tries he found one that fit and he ran back to his village, he became very popular. * Hairless Otter Dance HAIRLESS OTTER: I must eat chicken! SHEPHERD: (appears with a rifle) Hey you bag of flesh! (rifle fires) HAIRLESS OTTER: You have missed! (hairless otter eats shepherd) END. * Anchovies are good, the stench is to be respected. * Shepherd's customary salute: Poke 3 times in head, slap back of head 3 times, then kick in back. * When your chores are not complete, you are banished to the cupboard. * Do not try a shepherd's patience. * Respect fast food. * It is a celebratory time when an idiot falls in a hole. * It is said that "He who cuts hair (a barber) is viewed the man among men." * Offering a potted plant is a sign of disrespect. * A merciless beating of your laundry with a stick shall cleanse it fresh. * A competition is used to settle arguments over possession. It involves "Balancing eggs in the ladle of honor, skedaddle down, circle the goat of maturity, skedaddle back." in a race track constructed out of sausages. * A person who lets their cows graze in a large field is considered a barbarian. * Doing "Jumping jacks" without jumping is also the ritual of how you call the "Summoning of Chestnut Elves." *If a person throws or harms "The Great Sea Cucumber", they have disrespected your family, when this happened Rolf put a veil over his face and let people trample him If they give you a potted plant, that is a sign of even MORE disrespect. They (the disrespector) must duel the victim. You can apologize by baking the "Cupcakes of Sorriness" or accepting the "Eels of Forgiveness" (eels poured down your pants) after the duel. *Quiche is a cursed food. *Stuffed pigs head is a delicacy. *You have to ask permission before you shake a pig. *In order to ferment potatoes, you put them in your ears. Weird Things It's known in his home land that there are a lot of hero stories, fights, famous people, and unbelievable stuff there. A man in a wolf costume tried to steal and eat sheep. Rolf witnessed a giant Swedish meatball stalking Wilfred in the dead of night. Another strange tale is the story of how his Great Nano crossed the ocean in a canoe made from the soles of his shoes while fighting a giant sea cucumber in an attempt to immigrate to America. Because the Great Nano was lost at sea in this battle people of this culture would dress in a tight-fitting sea cucumber suit and prepare a box of sea cucumber balls for the neighbors to feast, (Imitating when Rolf and his great Nano had to devour the mighty sea Cucumber that attacked them) but will be offended if someone threw one of these balls. Also, around the holidays, this culture family worships a woman named Yeshmiyek who lives in the center of the earth preparing the holiday feast for good males and females. Rolf also celebrates the guardian pigeon. Another thing this culture does is dueling, he would dig a hole and make a bridge of a tree and then he would put on war-like suit with a ox skull on it and battle his enemy with dead stiff fish. Sayings, Insults, and Compliments *Has your brain turned to custard like half-price pastry? *Do not burn the candle at both ends, as it leads to the life of a hairdresser. *Stubborn like an ingrown back hair! *Has a truck parked on your freshly paved driveway? *Has your think box collapsed?! *May shower scum devour your head! *May your nose fester with the rage of olives! *May the fleas from your cows inflame your rhubarb! *Confess to your crimes, stale end piece of white bread! *Has anyone ever told you your hair resembles the backside of a chicken? *Ah, the artichoke thickens. *Flee in the name of blanched rhubarb! *The humble beet is the answer to all riddles. *Why must you behave like hens having difficulty laying an egg? *May the onion of agony swell your macaroon! *The Guardian Pigeon shall disgrace itself upon the head of the mischief maker! *The Guardian Pigeon has yet to drop its full load! *Come and see the wisdom of the Guardian pigeon. *Oho, the ancients ones have stumped the know-it-all. *Do not get involved least your pomegranates shrivel in the cold of the dark sea! *I sees through this squashed peanut paste on white bread masquerade! *I will grill your strudel until you cry like a teensy-weesny baby! *Urchins of processed cheese spread! *Have you been drinking milk from a rusty bucket?! *Your garden is overgrown, and your cucumbers are soft! *The cat sours the basil. *You are full of pickles and beets today, eh. Economy *Turnips, Oranges, Chickens and Rubber Bands are used as money. * Food Products: Sugar beets (a.k.a. "Candied Beets"), Eggplants, Radishes, Cucumbers, Carrots, Turnips, Squash, Potatoes, Yams, Meat, Milk, Eggs, Cheese, Octopus, Squid, Parsley, Fish, Plums and Stuffed pig's head. Tribute To Yeshmiyek Deep below the dirt and rocks There lives the bearded maiden fair Whose kitchen pot is bigger than Her size of underwear….Hey! Yeshmiyek who peels the root And grinds the sausage with her boot! Yeshmiyek who cures the meat And stuffs the fruits and sugared beets! Yeshmiyek who salts the pork And stabs it with her silver fork! Yeshmiyek who cuts the cheese And gives the loaf of bread a squeeeeze! But should your chores be never done Your feeble arms too weak to toil Yeshmiyek will surely come… And throw you in the pot to boil! …Yeshmiyek who smokes the fish And lays a slab on every dish! Yeshmiyek who guts the hare And seasons it with special care! Yeshmiyek who bastes the lamb And spits the glaze on every ham! Yeshmiyek who bakes the strudel Pickles feet and strings the noodle! See Also Rolf Category:Locations